Mortimer George Creations

Living in Los Angeles does not help! Well, not this time.  Yeah, I know, it’s L.A….LA LA land, a melting pot of beautiful people, erotic weather, beaches, models, stars, cars, swag, entertainment, the scent of cannabis at every turn, earthquakes…And I should be happy like a room without a roof.  Like, totally, I get it but…ahh…like I dig it and all…but…Do you get the point that I haven’t made as yet?

It goes something like this: Me, being single and living in L.A., after so many years is akin to boarding the Shanghai Maglev train while at its top speed from a standing broad jump position…Chances are I’ll fall flat on my face or go splat against a side panel while the train keeps going without an inkling.  Unless of course I’m Superman, but the last time I checked I didn’t see one of these hanging in my closet:

As time went on and  after feeling at peace with who I am there came this urge to explore jumping the train.  The opportunities  in L.A. appear limitless, but if you were accustomed to a different lifestyle or recently lived in states considered more conservative or like me (all of the above) then this sexy place  will swallow you up.

So what’s next? Where do I go to meet people? What do I wear? What’s my type? What do I like to do?  Will I need a new car? Where should we go?  Just a shit load of double U’s.  I decided to talk to some of my friends for their perspective, take notes and put a  game plan together.  I’ve been a leader and process improvement champion for many years so how difficult will it be to put some bullet points on my whiteboard, prioritize, delegate and wait…delegate?

I still had a perplexed look on my face because after further thought, I had no single friends!  I decided to go straight to the source, why not?  Where else in So Cal can you find a think tank of social rhetoric?  That’s right, The gym!  My plan was to ask single #teamfit people:  where and how do you meet new people in L.A.?  Simple, direct and to the point I thought.

My first and last conversation went something like this:

suave single Latin dude: ok, so you need to meet people, new friends, start fresh…I. Got. You.

me: yep, where should I go? what’s happening in L.A.?

suave single Latin dude: go?

suave single Latin dude: dude how’s your selfie game?

me: game?

suave single Latin dude: give me your phone

suave single Latin  dude: < double tap-tap tap double tap-tap double tap-tap tap…>

suave single Latin dude: ok, you have a profile

me: huh?

suave single Latin dude: take a selfie, wear sunglasses that’s always Cali chic.  As a matter of fact, take a bunch of selfies.

me: ok

suave single Latin dude: take them now

me: <blank stare>

suave single Latin dude: wow, you don’t look a day over 40…kinda cute actually

me: yeah, no!

suave single Latin dude:  This is how it works: if someone likes your selfie and you like their selfie the app creates a match and then you can chat and maybe hook-up, blah blah blah

me: hook-up?

suave single Latin dude: and if you’re traveling it will locate hoes in what ever city you’re in and you can match and hook-up that way (he really said this)

me: hoes, really?

suave single Latin dude: what gender do you prefer?

me: huh?

Ok, so I embellished it a hell of a lot tad, but you get my drift?  Without giving it  much further thought I decided to play the selfie match game.

Fast forward…

A couple of days later I was peering at several  random selfie matches wondering what to do next?  I mean, after all, they picked my selfie didn’t they?  There must have been something that caught my eye when I saw their selfies, right? And I didn’t even need a new outfit, or require  Clive Christian “C” for Men.  So, why didn’t I reach out to connect and build friendships?

Heck, I matched while sitting on the toilet, multitasking.  I wonder how many filters they used on their pic?  Hmm, is the pic even of them? Photoshop? which one was sitting on the potty when they liked my selfie?

I continued to read a bio…

Hmm, interesting, she likes the NBA, NFL, fitness, popping bottles, traveling, outdoor activities, social media, reading the Wall Street Journal, twerking and quiet evenings rolling in the sand…um, ok….

Days later I looked  at the selfie matches again.  I still did not “chat or hook-up” because somehow this felt completely and utterly awkward to me.  Is this the new game in town…mobile hook-up apps?  Is this where conversation, cologne and Cali chic ends? A couple selfies, a roll of toilet paper and Boom! 26 hot chicks…I think?

Here’s what I learned.  It can be difficult or impossible in most cases to jump on a train while its going full speed.  At times you have to slow down, buy a ticket for a specific travel date, exercise patience and prepare yourself for the trip of your life.

 

So, tell me dude, how’s your selfie game ?